Chris Gravett

 

The Ibis Budget Hotel at Auckland airport is everything it says on the can. A budget hotel, very reasonably priced, no frills. The only problem is that as it is at an airport they would expect the customers to be travellers and travellers have baggage. In a budget room there is space for two no where near obese humans in a budget double room and little space for anything else – certainly not two suitcases, two hand carry bags and a ‘stealth reporter’ camera bag stuffed with a Nikon D810 and the whole range of Nikon glass from 14mm – 200mm along with a drone! So as mentioned previously sleeping in these conditions whilst suffering from a heavy cold was nigh on impossible. Hence I was up and shaving and showering in the cubicle that passes as a budget bathroom at 6am.

 

The hire car was booked for pick up at the airport for 0930 but I knew it would be ready if I arrived a little early. After a 15 minute walk to the terminal I discovered I was wrong. “your vehicle is booked for 0930 sir and right now it is 0730! I can have it here by nine’. I had no real argument but I guess my expression said otherwise. ‘ I can give you an upgrade to a premier vehicle that you can take right away sir if you wish” “How much extra?” I enquired. Just $20 per day sir but as the premier has on board sat nav you have no need to pay for the sat nav on your original order. So they cancel each other out ……nearly”. I went for the deal, not exactly a bargain but it saved 2 hours hanging around. The Europcar lady explained that the sat nav would kick in once I had exited the airport car park but I could input my destination before exiting. I didn’t bother, I knew my way back to the budget rooms where Marilyn was waiting for me, in fact we knew our way to our first destination, Coromandel. It would be about two and a half hours away.

 

So off we set in our brand new ‘premier vehicle’ a big black 4WD Chelsea Tractor, it made me feel as though I was David Beckham in a new Hummer. I’ve never been in a Hummer but as the first letter is the same as the Holden we had hired I could dream. Which is more than was possible in the budget hotel

 

The Holden

Coromandel Town is a fair way up the Coromandel peninsular which sort of turns back on itself having gone south from Auckland to reach back up to be parallel with Auckland but separated by a few miles of ocean. About 60 kilometres south of Coromandel Town is a place called Thames. Prices for everything, especially fuel, are much cheaper in Thames than in Coromandel and beyond which gives you an idea of how rural it becomes the further up the peninsular you travel. The roads are windy and hilly, in fact they eventually become just gravel once you are 40km or so north of Coromandel. The beauty is that the further up you travel the more laid back everything becomes. I guess it is like some parts of Wales but on a grander scale, with less rain and significantly less Welsh folk. There are sheep though.

 

So we stocked up with provisions in Thames, didn’t really need fuel at this point and just for fun I thought I would try out the sat nav. For some reason the sat nav insisted we were about 200km south of where we actually were and it would not budge. Marilyn suggested it was irrelevant as we knew where we were and we had a map which we both are skilled in reading. To me this was not the point I had been sold on the idea that an in car sat nav meant my upgrade to a premier vehicle was cost neutral (a little white lie from Europcar lady) so I was damm well going to use it. Well I wasn’t as it did not work. I had spotted a Holden dealer in Thames high street so popped in. Although Mr Holden and his manager were very helpful and interested and full of Kiwi ironic humour neither had much more of a clue as to what was wrong than I did. So after much head scratching, button pushing and chatting about which of their relatives were currently doing time in the UK we departed for Coromandel.

 

After an hour or so we arrived at our base for the next five days, Orchard Cottage. A lovely little cottage set, as the name implies, in an enchanting orchard full of every fruit imaginable from apples and plums to oranges, lemons and even bananas. Once settled in my thoughts returned to the sat nav. I did a very non blokey thing and referred to the manual. I pretty soon eliminated all obvious problems and resigned myself to the probability that the SDcard containing the maps was probably corrupt. Beyond that it would require attention of a Holden specialist. So I needed to call Europcar at Auckland airport which I did. After a few menu options etc I got to talk to a human. I proceeded to explain the problem, my analysis and to enquire how we could proceed. “Can you return to the airport?” said Europcar man. No I said I am in Coromandel Town and won’t be near Auckland for four weeks or more. Europcar man did not appear to understand. I said “you are at Auckland airport aren’t you?” No said Europcar man I am in the Phillipines!!!” I thought it odd I had hired a car in New Zealand from a company called Europcar but this now beggared belief. Europcar man explained if Auckland Airport do not answer the phone it diverts to the Phillipines, “ so how may I help you?’ As he obviously couldn’t I hung up. Today I called the airport again and actually got connected. They suggested I could call in at other Europcar offices, both in towns that we have no intention of visiting and simply change the vehicle. I’ll keep that option open for when we move on, in the meantime I’ll keep my eyes open for a similar Holden to our Hummer and see if I can borrow their SDcard for diagnostic purposes. In my experience Kiwis are generally up for that sort of thing so long as you don’t mention Ben Stokes.

Orchard Cottage